My First Blogiversary

My First Blogiversary


It’s my first blogiversary! I didn’t even know it until I logged into Facebook and it showed me my memories from today.

I feel like I’ve come a long way in the past year. Learning to cope with chronic illness can really change a person. I have ups and downs daily but I am grateful for all the wonderful people in my life that have helped me along the way!

Honestly, it’s like being on a roller coaster constantly. I’m nauseated, disoriented, achy and the emotional highs and lows are often unexpected and always exhausting. But, amusement rides are fun, right?! This journey has certainly been amusing, at the least…


Over 200 followers and several blogging awards! Thank you all! I hope this blog will continue to grow and help others as much as it has helped me.

joy-1430953-640x480I don’t hate my chronic illness anymore and I wouldn’t change my life for a millions of dollars. I never thought I could be so happy… Especially after the diagnoses kept piling up but I have found strength. I have found friendship. I have found spirituality. I have found WordPress!

Stay sexy Spoonies and keep blogging!

Spoonie Dating

Spoonie Dating

I know how scary it can be to put yourself out there but we can’t let our chronic illnesses, anxiety or whatever else keep us from living life to the absolute fullest. You deserve to have someone in your life that really cares for you and wants to see you happy.

I’ve been compiling a list of spoonie friendly dating sites and I’ve discovered a few friend making sites as well. I am lucky enough to have an amazing partner but I could always use more friends!

Spoonie Dating Tips-

Most of these will probably sound cliche but they’re important, none the less.

  • Let’s start with the biggest cliche and just get it out of the way. Be yourself. Yep, I said it. I know. I wanted to place emphasis here because sometimes, with chronic illness, we feel like we don’t even know ourselves. I know I’m not the same person I was before I was struck with all my lovely ailments. So, it’s important not to hide your disabilities and your anxieties. You are wonderful. If your date can’t handle it, you want to find out as soon as possible.
  • Get used to rejection. It’s nothing personal, really. Some people just aren’t willing to take the time to get to know you. They might just be looking for a booty call. If that’s all you’re looking for, great! But, if you want more, don’t settle for someone who isn’t willing to put in the quality time.
  • If they want to spend time with you, they’ll find a way! No matter how busy either of you are and despite any limitations, if you meet someone genuinely interested in you, they will do all they can to find a way to spend time with you.
  • You are worthy! Remember that and don’t settle for an abusive relationship just because you are lonely. There is someone out there waiting to treat you like the Queen (or King) you truly are.
  • Leave the past behind you. It’s hard, maybe impossible to build a healthy relationship if you are always carrying around old baggage or worrying that your new partner is going to cheat on you, leave you or tell you you’re not good enough. You are more than good enough. Never forget that. Dwelling on the past won’t help your future.
  • Relax. First date, blind date, reconnected on Facebook after 20 years, whatever, just RELAX. Have a good time. Don’t worry about getting asked on a second date or the goodnight kiss. Play your heart out at mini golf, cry during the movie. If your date sees you having a genuinely good time, they’ll relax too and everyone will have more fun even if you don’t connect on a romantic level.
  • Trust yourself. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t feel bad for canceling or going home early. You are not obligated to do anything. Who cares if you seem a little rude? You have to take care of yourself first.
  • Be honest. Be upfront about your condition and your illnesses. You don’t have to pull out your medical records or tell your whole life story on the first date but ensure you aren’t pushing your boundaries too far. If you need your cane, take it. You are still rocking that dress!
  • A relationship is not like a home improvement project. You have to accept the person for who they are and the way they are and they must show you the same respect. You can’t paint over their flaws and polish their rough edges. You must embrace them because that’s what makes them a unique individual. Too unique for you? Be courteous and let them go. There is someone more fitting for you out there.
  • Compromise. You may have to make compromises to make the relationship work but never compromise your values. Compromise on dinner not your stance on abortion or whatever.

I know you know all this but the dating world can be intimidating at first. It’s important to stay true to yourself if you want to find someone you can be truly happy with.

Spoonie Dating Sites-

  • Dating 4 Disabled “Dating For Disabled is an online dating service for people with disabilities. We are a community where disabled singles can find love & friendship. Dating4Disabled is the number one disabled dating site, and registration is one hundred percent free!”
  • Disabled PassionsA 100% FREE online dating & social networking community specifically for singles with a disability. Meeting new people can sometimes be more difficult when you are dealing with a disability. Whether you are interested in dating, making new friends, or more, Disabled Passions is here for you. Use the Disability Groups option to find others dealing with Arthritis, Cancer, Cerebral Palsy, Depression, Diabetes Type 1, Diabetes Type 2, Mobility Issues, Muscular Dystrophy, Spinal Cord Injury or any of a number of other issues. Sign up now to enjoy free chat, message boards and email.
  • Soulful Encounters “ works with various disabled people and organizations to connect those who are physically and medically disabled and provide support, friendship, and a love filled social networking community. This is your opportunity for a brighter and richer life. Join now – it’s free.”
  • Christian Disabled Dating “Being Disabled Doesn’t Mean You Have to Give up on Love. Create Your FREE Profile Today and Start Meeting Other Disabled Christian Singles in Your Local Area.”
  • Disability Match “Find genuine fun and intimacy with disabled singles. Specialist created this site to help people like you meet single adult men and women who share your disability, condition or life challenge within a friendly vibrant disabled community.”
  • Disability Dating “ is a free disabled dating site aimed at playing disabled cupid to people with disabilities who are seeking fun, friendship, love, romance and dating online. We aim to enable love, dating, friendship and romance by matchmaking in a safe, fun, online dating environment.”
  • Meet Disabled Singles “We’ve quickly become the most popular matchmaking agency when it comes to helping handicapable people. Spend a couple of minutes and let us be your cupid that helps you find new friends, lasting love or possibly even marriage. We can’t guarantee that you’ll find your bride, but we can guarantee that you’ll have your chance to get in touch with people looking to improve their life by finding love. Our members are united and ready to show you that your love life doesn’t have to suffer because of your disability. Create your account today for free, build your profile and start chatting with other members instantly.”
  • No Longer Lonely “We are a welcoming community that understands the trials and pitfalls of managing a mental illness. Find friends or seek romantic relationships knowing that everyone on this site has some form of mental illness.”

Friend Making Sites-

  • Girlfriend Social “Girlfriend Social is website that connects women with new female friendships. This website is for Ladies only, who just like you, are looking to make platonic women friendships. Inside women can make new friends with fabulous ladies in a safe and friendly environment.”
  • Make Friends Online “Whether you’re looking for a free great online dating agency or a place to hang out and chat with a few friends, you’ll find everything you need at MakeFriendsOnline. Millions of people from around the world are looking to meet other singles on dating websites. It’s never been easier to meet other singles on your terms, when you want and with who you want. has over 1,5 mln register members and is one of the largest online dating sites.”
  • Not 4 Dating “ is a totally new way to expand your social network. We’re here to help you meet platonic friends online and then connect in real life.”
  • Disabled United “A great way to interact with other like minded people, share your views, information, advice and interests.”

Put your-sexy-selves out there, Spoonies! Have fun and stay safe!

It’s the Meds!

It’s the Meds!

If the side effects aren’t making you bloated and emotional, they’re zapping your sex drive. As if the pain, anxiety and insomnia weren’t enough to squander your sexiness, now you have all these side effects to deal with. The one that could probably drive the biggest wedge between you and your partner is the diminishing libido. Lots of medications can cause it too!
According to Mercola, 30-40% of the global population experiences low libido several months out of the year. Those numbers astonished me at first but when I really took the time to consider all the stress people endure in their daily lives on top of loss, illness and other life altering events, I thought they might even be an understatement. With chronic illness there’s even more to contend with, including medication.

Medications likely to cause low libido:

  • Antidepressants-
    SSRIs- The way these meds affect your brain chemistry may cause a low sex drive.
    Tricyclic- Affect the libido in much the same way as SSRIs.
  • 5-Alpha-Reductase Inhibitors- (Men) Work by preventing the conversion of testosterone to DHT. Of course, this would affect a man’s libido.
  • Birth Control- (Women) Lower hormone production, affecting sex drive in women.
  • Antihistamines- Prolonged use of these medications can cause lack of sexual desire in men and women.
  • Anti-Seizure Medications- reducing nerve impulses may make it more difficult to feel pleasure.
  • Beta Blockers-May lower blood pressure as well as desire.
  • Benzodiazepines- Anti-anxiety medications have been linked to decreased sexual pleasure.
  • Opioid Painkillers- (Men) Not only are they dangerously addictive, they’ve been proven to reduce testosterone levels in men.

If you are experiencing a low libido and believe it may be due to medication, talk to your doctor and pharmacist as soon as possible. Evaluate all your medications and supplements to pinpoint what might be causing this pesky side effect. Also, be open with your partner. Let them know what’s going on and how it’s making you feel. A lack of sex and intimacy in a relationship can quickly snowball into bigger issues. It may make your partner feel inadequate and insecure.

While you’re waiting to hear back from your doctor, evaluate your health. Are you getting enough sleep? Eating healthy? Make sure you are getting adequate exercise and spending enough time outside. Keep stress under control and nurture yourself. You’d be surprised how much sexier you feel after allowing yourself to just relax and unwind.

Stay sexy, Spoonies!

Sleepless and Second Guessing

Sleepless and Second Guessing

I’m starting to wonder if I am going to be able to do it all. I reluctantly cancelled an easy and fun sub job today because I got out of bed crying this morning. My outfit was already picked out, lunch was made and I’d done the job before so there was nothing to worry about. Except, all the shit that’s been stressing me out so much lately, my pain levels are through the roof. Right now, I am working two jobs and being begrudgingly chauffeured to both of them. Next month, I’ll be adding school to the mix. Luckily, it’s all online. I am relocating to another apartment complex between Christmas and New Years. I know I desperately need the rest but I also need the money that I am losing out on today. Missing work is almost as stressful as going on an achy, rainy day like today.

I was really excited about returning to school and the direction my life was headed until very recently. It’s like I’ve been in a bubble up in the clouds until now and it just burst. Even my body feels like it was cast out of the sky violently, like a kite struck by lightning. I am sorry this post isn’t full of the holiday spirit like it should be this time of year. I am just not in a very good place right now. I am still excited about school but not necessarily about my life right now and I know I have a lot of work ahead of me. Posts like this aren’t supposed to come until after Christmas when the thought of the new year starts making people feel inadequate and unaccomplished.

I know my body hates me because I sweat when I am cold. I sweat and shiver, toss and turn all night. Then when it comes time to get out of bed to start the day, I’m as stiff and brittle as a dry-rotted log. All I can do is cuddle up and think the typical thoughts one can have in the middle of the night. Alone and in pain, they are hardly positive. So, the longer I am awake at night, the higher my anxiety climbs. By morning, I am a nervous wreck and likely vomiting. Point being, once the stress creeps in, it causes a dizzying downward spiral that I can’t seem to slow down much less, escape.

I am taking a day for self-care today and I am trying not to feel guilty about canceling the substitute assignment that I agreed to. I know I’ve probably let some people down and inconvenienced them. Not to mention the fact that I have not had much time to devote to substituting this month which will leave me low on cash later. I will take a bubble bath and try to meditate but it won’t keep me from worrying or being broke. I will stretch and use my foam roller but it won’t just magically make all my tension disappear. I will read and try to nap but I don’t think it will leave me feeling rejuvenated or any more ready to take on the day tomorrow because I don’t know how to cope with all this stress. I mean, I’ve gotten better. I don’t have as many panic attacks as I used to but I still can’t seem to keep my worries from manifesting physically. I’m never sure if I’m making the right decisions. How happy am I supposed to be exactly? What is reasonable?

The Power of Human Contact

The Power of Human Contact

“Gentle touch has been shown to facilitate physical and psychological functioning, particularly in terms of reducing stress, relieving pain, increasing the ability to cope, and general health ratings.”

I know you are stressed and exhausted and that often just makes the pain worse but I’m here today to stress the importance of TOUCH in your relationships. I understand that the pain and fatigue can make you want to completely cut the intimacy out of your life but as humans, we thrive on that connection. Person to person contact is mutually beneficial and has also been proven to help control anger.


According to the University of Miami School of Medicine, the health benefits of human contact are,
Decreased Pain- Children with rheumatoid arthritis who were given massages by their parents 15 minutes /day for one month reported lower stress levels, anxiety and pain.
Enhanced Immune Function- Studies have shown an increase in cancer fighting cells in women with breast cancer and HIV patients after massage. Anxiety, stress and depression also decreased.
Happy & Strong Babies- Premature infants given more touch and attention in the NCIU gained more weight.
Quicker & Less Painful Births- Women in labor who received a backrub for 15 minutes of each hour of labor reported less pain and used less pain medication. Labor was also typically shorter.
Enhanced Alertness and Performance- People completed math problems faster and made less mistakes after having a massage.

So if you think you’re in too much pain to be touched, think again. A little human contact may be exactly what you need.
I know there are days when even the lightest touch can be excruciatingly painful and send chills up your spine but you can’t isolate yourself forever. That’s not how you protect yourself.


  • Start with a professional massage.
  • Go somewhere reputable and make sure they know how to accommodate your chronic illness and touch sensitivities.
  • Communication is key! Make sure they are aware of any apprehension or anxiety you may be feeling as well as any extra sensitive areas. If you feel comfortable ask for some tips you could give your significant other.

Remember, touch is mutually beneficial and the intimacy of a romantic massage can do wonders for your relationship. If you feel like you’ve been drifting apart, simply holding hands can make you feel closer and spark a little romance. Start slow, it can be easy to feel overstimulated at first. Essential oils and lotions can reduce friction and even pain. Again, communication is key. Instead of shutting your partner out, try to help them understand. They can’t possibly fathom the pain that some sensations cause that’s why its critical they know what to avoid and what helps ease the pain. Please be mindful of allergies and irritants when selecting oils and lotions.

Have fun, be sexy!

Spoonie Friendly Halloween Costumes

Spoonie Friendly Halloween Costumes

The key to a great spoonie friendly costume is simplicity. It should be quick and easy to pull together, not to mention, comfortable! But, that shouldn’t limit your options, you can still be anything you want, you might just have to get a bit creative. 😉

Ghost- This has far got to be the the absolute easiest costume, even if you don’t have an ounce if creativity in your body. If you don’t have an old white sheet, stop by Goodwill. Walmart still sells some fabrics for a dollar a yard, so if Goodwill is a bust, go there. You can just cut out some eyes and go or you can draw a face and personalize it any way you want.

Hobo- Another super easy costume! Just push around a bunch of junk! With this one, you don’t even have to worry about putting on makeup or brushing your hair! As a matter of fact, the dirtier you look, the better. 😉 Just dress in some old, maybe slightly over-sized clothes and maybe tie a bandana to a stick if you want to be one of those, fancy traveling hobos like in the old cartoons.

Black Cat- Were you hoping to show off your sexy side this Halloween? Well, a black cat might be the costume for you! If you’re not feeling creative or just don’t have the spoons, you can wear a mask instead of painting your face. The ears and tail are typically one of the cheapest items at the costume shop and you can pair them with a black leotard and some black tights, two things you likely already have in your closet.

Princess Belle- Before Belle became a princess, her outfit was very spoonie friendly! She wore a calf length, sleeveless blue dress, a white, long sleeved shirt and black shoes. A blue cotton dress over a puffy sleeved white shirt paired with some black ballerina flats and that’s all you need! Oh, and a copy of your favorite book and maybe a blue ribbon in your hair. This one is so basic and easy, you might not even have to buy anything for this costume!

Easy Olaf- Pair a white sweater with a white skirt or sweatpants and white shoes. Glue three black buttons to the front of the sweater and paint your nose orange. Black sunglasses and a beach ball are the perfect props because we all know how much Olaf loves summer! And warm hugs. 😉

Well, these are just some ideas to get you started!

Here are some guidelines to ensure you’re as comfy as you are spooky-
🎃 Stick to cotton and other breathable materials.
👻 Make sure head-wear isn’t too heavy.
🎃 Footwear should be durable and supportive.
👻 Decorate with glitter in moderation.
🎃 Props should be minimal and easy to carry.
👻 Refrain from using hair products, make up and perfumes with strong smells that could give you a headache later.
🎃 If decorating your wheelchair, don’t leave anything hanging. You don’t want anything getting tangled in the wheels. Also, don’t make it too wide or awkward. You’ll want it to be easily maneuverable.
👻 Canes, oxygen trollies and other necessities can be decorated and incorporated into your costume as well.

Get spooky, be sexy!

Ready for Action?

Ready for Action?

What if you’ve got chocolate, soothing lighting, soft music and maybe even a little wine but still not in the mood? Just want to go to sleep after that candle lit bubble bath and massage? Well, all the romance in the world can’t cure a low libido but even if it’s caused by your chronic illness, there are other remedies!

There are also many other causes. Don’t blame your chronic illness too quickly. Sex drive fluctuates in all people, men and women, healthy or not. So, if you haven’t been in the mood much lately, it’s probably nothing to worry about. Basic life events can influence your libido more than you realize so cut yourself some slack after career changes, relocations, breakups, diagnoses and deaths. Stress is a total mood killer! Medications often cause a change in sex drive so check all your prescriptions and supplements for side effects. Make sure you talk to your doctor before making any changes to your doses. There’s no shame in craving great sex!

fantasy jar

Supplements for Low Sex Drive
After talking to your doctor, she may recommend hormone therapy, medication or counseling. If there is no psychological, physical or abnormal hormonal cause, some supplements may be able to help get you in the mood.

  • Asian Ginseng and Ginkgo are good for so many things! They really should be a part of your diet.
  • Both men and women have been known to use yohimbe to heighten sensitivity.
  • Black cohosh is something I’ve recommended before for pain but it also increases blood flow and treats many symptoms of menopause.
  • Chaste tree berry increases libido in women with polycystic ovary syndrome (maybe I should try it!) and other hormonal imbalances.
  • Nitric oxide and L-arginine increase blood flow.
Freshly fallen Ginkgo leaves.
Freshly fallen Ginkgo leaves.

Of course, there are also specially formulated blends and oils but they often contain many of the supplements listed. Watch out for gimmicks when buying these products. Many of them don’t contain enough of the active ingredient to be thoroughly effective and they’re often more expensive. Explore your options and talk to your doctor and I’m sure you’ll find a solution that’s right for you!

Try vitamin E oil as lubricant!
Have fun, be sexy!

Sex & Headaches

Sex & Headaches

I have been getting headaches for as long as I can remember. I battle sinus headaches, chronic headaches due to my fibromyalgia, migraines, tension headaches due to anxiety and cluster headaches. I have many triggers including, certain smells, sounds, lighting, ponytails, stress, chemicals, bending down, strenuous activity and more. There is almost no chance that I won’t have a headache but I cope with most of them quite well. I’ve adapted.
I use soft lighting to help myself relax and Himalayan salt at home to clean the air. My home is my haven. Triggers are not so easy to control outside the home, unfortunately. That’s why, I’ve always got earplugs and my prescription sunglasses on hand. I should consider them part of my Calm Kit. These days, you’ll never catch me without my little oxygen trolley. The thought of forgetting it somewhere gives me a mini anxiety attack.
Last Wednesday, I had one of the worst headaches of my life. I cried and shook uncontrollably until the pain subsided enough for me to fall asleep. I slept all day and had no problem sleeping all night. Since then, I’ve had nothing but nightmares. I don’t cope with nightmares well. They leave me exhausted, emotionally sensitive and anxious. Point being, headaches are often more than just head pain and that can be debilitating enough. Unfortunately, stress and can be affecting more aspects of you life than you realize. So, it’s time to unwind! 😉
Sometimes sex can help relieve a headache but other times it seems to make it worse. That’s why it’s important to get the romance just right. The atmosphere must be tailored to your needs if you want any chance of relief. I know there’s no getting lucky with a migraine but sex can help relieve your average headache, stress and tension.

Setting the Mood

Bad lighting can be more than just a mood killer. It can also be a trigger for a killer migraine. Try a Himalayan salt lamp or candle holder. The dim, pink hue is perfect and the salt has been proven to help relieve head pain! Large lightly or unscented candles are great too.

Use a sound machine instead of music. Saxophones and violins are often found in romantic music but the pitch might be a trigger. Try a soothing rain or stream setting. If you don’t have a sound machine, try the App Store! Try to minimize other noises and outside interference.

Comfort is important. If you plan to be outdoors, have plenty of pillows and blankets. Make sure you are not facing the sun or under direct sunlight.

Freezing Water
Temperature control can be critical. If the A/C is too cold, I get a nasty headache. Not to mention, my joints start to ache and all I want to do is bury myself under the covers. I’m sure I’m not alone.

Overpowering scents are often a trigger. Minimize the use of perfumes, scented aftershave, air fresheners and scented candles.


If you plan on drinking alcohol, have chilled water on hand too to ensure that no one gets dehydrated.

If you have any tips, I’d love to hear them!
Have fun, be sexy!

Aphrodisiacs and Anti-Inflammatories

Aphrodisiacs and Anti-Inflammatories

Feeling fickle or undesirable? Finding it hard to get in the mood because your joints are inflamed, you’re exhausted and you feel just plain unattractive?

farmers market

You get out what you put in. I’m sure you’ve heard that a million times, but that doesn’t make it any less true. The proper foods can help ease chronic pain as well as many medications and food is generally much less harmful. There are no side effects or dangers unless you have an allergy.


I believe Doctor Mark Hyman said it best, “What you put at the end of your fork is more powerful medicine than anything you will find at the bottom of a pill bottle. Food is the most powerful medicine available to heal chronic disease, which will account for more than 50 million deaths and cost the global economy $47 trillion by 2030.”


Foods that Reduce Inflammation

Olives and Olive Oil, Cherries, Walnuts, Apples, Carrots, Oranges, Strawberries, Blueberries, Spinach, Avocado, Broccoli, Salmon, Yogurt

mixed fruit

Foods that Increase Energy

Dark Chocolate, Almonds, Bananas, Salmon, Greek Yogurt, Citrus, Ginger, Coconut


Cherries, Salmon, Chilies, Chocolate, Walnuts,  Bananas, Avocado, Red Wine, Oysters, Pomegranate, Vanilla

Haddock in a red sauce

So, grill some fish, pour some wine then have some cherries and dark chocolate for dessert! You’ll have more energy, less inflammation and you’ll be ready for some action! Nothing else makes a bigger impact on your body than the food you put in it. Dedicate next Saturday morning to taking your significant other to the Farmer’s Market and maybe even a picnic. Don’t forget to stretch if you’ve got a long drive ahead of you! The sweet smell of the fresh produce and the sunshine will lift your spirits. Not to mention, you’ll get the blood flowing while walking around the market. Check out find a Farmer’s Market near you.

There’s no better bonding than preparing a meal with someone and it cuts your cooking and chopping duties in half, allowing you to conserve your energy. One skillet dishes are easiest and help minimize clean up. My favorite way to cook fish is in the oven in a foil pouch. I coarsely chop my vegetables and layer them with the fish in the middle, add a little butter, some fresh lemon slices and seasoning to taste. I love it because I don’t have to stand over the hot stove to keep everything from burning. You can just toss it in the oven and enjoy a glass of wine!  Leave the clean up for later. You’ve got better things to do. 😉 You and your lover might not be able to wait to get back to the bedroom after such a romantic outing and all those aphrodisiacs!

Eat healthy, be sexy!

Crazy Busy Week

Crazy Busy Week

Finally using the oxygen therapy for my cluster headaches. I am so excited to say that it’s helping! I am working on a post about essential oils. It’s coming along slowly though. I have not had the time or energy to dedicate to writing lately. My schedule should be lined out by early September and I will be free to post more frequently. Yay!

I’ve been doing a lot of altering and it’s really making my hands hurt. I have not been able to wear any of my bras that clasp in the back because it hurts to have that thing rubbing on my spine all day so i decided to splurge a little. I went to Penny’s on Saturday because that’s when everything is on sale and I got 2 yoga bras for the price of 1! My boobs feel like they’re floating. I highly recommend all spoonies try a yoga bra. Nylon, spandex and cotton seem to be the perfect mesh of materials. Also, got the softest and most presentable looking pair of sweat pants that I’ve ever seen! They are so soft and comfortable I wish I’d gotten 3 pair! I am glad I didn’t though because I got a $10 coupon with my receipt so as long as I go back before the end of the month, I’ll be able to get another pair for like $7! It would have been a good weekend if I hadn’t been feeling so crappy but at least my boobs are happy!

This sparked another thought, a spoonie clothing line! I used to make my own clothes when I was younger. It was lots of fun. No one is tailoring a line of clothing for people with chronic pain. No one takes into consideration the sensitive areas on our bodies. Strategically placed zippers and clasps could make a big difference in my wardrobe. If anyone is interested in this idea please let me know! I’d love to collaborate and design something!
There will be more on this later! 😉
Have fun, be sexy!