It’s my first blogiversary! I didn’t even know it until I logged into Facebook and it showed me my memories from today.
I feel like I’ve come a long way in the past year. Learning to cope with chronic illness can really change a person. I have ups and downs daily but I am grateful for all the wonderful people in my life that have helped me along the way!
Honestly, it’s like being on a roller coaster constantly. I’m nauseated, disoriented, achy and the emotional highs and lows are often unexpected and always exhausting. But, amusement rides are fun, right?! This journey has certainly been amusing, at the least…
Over 200 followers and several blogging awards! Thank you all! I hope this blog will continue to grow and help others as much as it has helped me.
I don’t hate my chronic illness anymore and I wouldn’t change my life for a millions of dollars. I never thought I could be so happy… Especially after the diagnoses kept piling up but I have found strength. I have found friendship. I have found spirituality. I have found WordPress!
Stay sexy Spoonies and keep blogging!
I have been pushing myself too hard lately but I haven’t felt like I’ve had much choice. Obligations and conflicts have not left much leisurely time for hobbies and blogs. Fall has prompted a lot more changes than just the weather. As the leaves are falling, I sense a new season in my life beginning as well. I feel like the brisk air just revived me from a deep sleep. I’m nearing thirty and as someone who once showed so much promise, so much potential, I have nothing to show. I am a failure. I wasted so much time and now, I’m chronically ill and don’t have the energy. Not having the spoons doesn’t change what I need to accomplish. I realize now that I will need to retire one day. I already have a myriad of health issues that absorb most of my income and energy.
I am a lot busier since my truck broke down. It needs about twelve hundred dollars worth of work just to get it running properly. So, my poor Rose is just sitting out there, just about the time of year I could start enjoying the heated seats. If you are wondering about the name Rose, it’s from Doctor Who. Since my husband and I are sharing one vehicle, I am much busier. I can’t drive River, my husband’s car, another Who reference, because it’s a standard so I can’t get many errands done on my own. It’s so stressful relying on other people all the time. The anxiety it gives me wears me out almost as bad as driving does.
I started a new job, substitute teaching. So far, it’s been very spoonie friendly but it still takes a lot of spoons that I can’t seem to replenish. As a result I’ve been drinking a lot of Cokes and eating poorly. I’m cranky and can’t get enough sleep but so far, it’s been a very rewarding experience. Middle school is challenging but I had a blast at elementary. The children are all so sweet. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten so many hugs or tied so many shoes.
I just had a birthday and that has left me feeling unaccomplished. I should be done with college by now, I should have a more stable career and income so that I could have health insurance, a car note and a permanent home. Then, I wouldn’t have to worry about my truck breaking down all the time and I wouldn’t be exhausted from noisy apartment life. I’ve resolved to finish my degree so that I can achieve these things but if I want to achieve my dreams of becoming a librarian, I’ll be looking forward to three more years of school instead of just the one I need to finish my Bachelor’s degree.
I am also struggling with feeling like I’ve already passed my prime. I was first published in elementary school. My creativity knew no bounds. I wrote imaginative stories constantly because I couldn’t get them out of my head otherwise. High school teachers raved over the quality and originality of my work. I was the president of the creative writing club. I had passion. I had drive. Now I am just motivated by the fear of staying exactly as I am.
I never imagined my life like this, I’m sure no one with a chronic illness is exactly where they thought they’d be. I’m sure most people aren’t, actually. I take comfort in the fact that I have chosen to take the steps to try to better my life even if I am getting a late start. Perhaps it’s more of a restart but, that’s fine too.
Happy Fall, be sexy!