Fibro Bullies

Fibro Bullies

Someone brought a community page on Facebook that bullies people with fibromyalgia to my attention. 

I was beyond upset. I was hurt. 

I reported the page for bullying but my sister brought up the question of free speech. She made a very valid point but it didn’t make me feel better. The conversation went something like this: 

Sister- “Everyone has the right to express their opinions regardless of popularity. This issue is very controversial right now. We may be stupid, ignorant, fat, lazy Americans. But we are free to be that or whatever we choose. I would suggest that in the future you hide this from your view. Something I like to tell people that don’t appreciate my humor and/or opinions is, ‘if you find me offensive, then don’t fucking find me.’ I love you sister and will back you no matter what, but that is my point of view on it.”

Me- “I understand what you’re saying and thank you for supporting me. People are entitled to their opinions but this guy is just spreading hate. That’s exactly what it says on the cover photo, ‘We hate you’ To me, that’s going a little far.”

Sister- “In this overly politically correct society, we need to encourage others to express themselves and our best defense against hate and prejudice is education. Let’s use these opportunities to enlighten people to these issues that effect us. I just can’t stand how everyone is offended by everything now days. 

Maybe you can share some documented research to that person’s page. ‘Be the change you want to see in the world.'”

Me- “Others have already tried educating and reasoning. Whoever runs that page is just rude about it. I know you’re right about free speech and all that. I do feel a little like a hypocrite but I don’t feel bad for reporting the page. I wasn’t offended when I saw it. I was sad. It hurt my feelings. I know that sounds childish but people with fibromyalgia go through enough without this jerk citing outdated studies and crap. It’s one thing to have an opinion but why purposely try to make people feel bad? Many people have fibro way worse than I do. It can be debilitating and depressing. 

I am trying to be the change I want to see in the world and I know I reacted poorly here. I reported the page without even thinking about it.”

I still feel conflicted. That’s why I’m writing about the experience. 

This page goes beyond having an opinion. Would a page bullying cancer survivors or victims of assault be allowed to stay up? I didn’t scour Facebook to find out. Honestly, the whole thing makes me sick to my stomach and I wish it had never been brought to my attention. 

Women with fibromyalgia have a 10-fold increased risk for suicide according to Danish researchers. Read the article, here. Aren’t we going through enough? Can’t we just be left alone? 

I find myself wondering about the creator of the page. Did they have a bad experience with someone with fibromyalgia? Were they misdiagnosed with it? I just don’t understand what could instill such hate. 

What is so wrong with only respecting the opinions of others as long as they aren’t stifling anyone else’s existence? 

I see no reason to tear one another down. We should be lifting each other up. 

“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.”

John Holmes

I will not be sharing the Facebook page. I believe they are already getting more attention than they deserve. I want to know what you think. How would you have reacted? 

Stay strong and stay sexy spoonies!

Cover Image from Tumblr. 

TBT: Before Fibromyalgia

TBT: Before Fibromyalgia

I stumbled upon that picture of my cat from four years ago. Her indoor kitty life has been rather uneventful but my life has been turned upside down between then and now. 

  
About a year after this sweet little kitten came into my life, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I was already in the process of trying to improve my life. Time to grow up, I thought. So in my early 20s, I quit partying all the time and started doing yoga and eating healthy. I shed 80 pounds (half I believe due to gastroperesis, half due to hard work and self discipline). I was running a couple of miles at least a few times a week. I was so happy, healthy and in love. 

I am happy, healthy and just as much in love now but learning to be positive despite chronic illness has been a challenge. There are still days that I don’t feel happy and healthy at all. I’ve changed so much, friends from just four years ago wouldn’t recognize me based on looks or personality. 

I was an angry youth. Well, sad. Anger keeps you from crying and I pushed people away so I wouldn’t be vulnerable. I was downright mean. I thought I was protecting myself but really, I just caused a lot of pain. Pain for myself as well as the people around me. The world seemed like such a harsh and cruel place. I didn’t know yet that I was an HSP so I smothered my feelings any way I could but nothing could truly soothe my heartache. 

  
I read Atheist Yoga. That’s where I started to evolve into the person I am today. I didn’t expect yoga would lead to meditation. Now, I would consider myself spiritual after identifying as an atheist most of my life. 

The first year after my fibromyalgia diagnosis was pretty rough. I’d been in a couple car accidents. I believe that plus the piiriformis syndrome are what triggered the fibromyalgia. I didn’t even know what fibromyalgia was and I thought that Cymbalta commercial was stupid. “Depression hurts, Cymbalta can help.” So, I felt like I deserved it for being a bitch. You really can’t help thinking thoughts like that, at least at first, when you can’t get out of bed and you don’t understand why you’re in such excruciating pain. 

Such pain changes the way you think. It’s inevitable. I don’t think that’s such a bad thing. I’m more compassionate and understanding towards people. I hated posts like this when I was first diagnosed. I was so bitter. But now, I actually like who I am. I was trying to better myself before I became chronically ill but my spiritual side was dead. I felt abandoned by the Christian God. I felt let down by society. So, in my pain, I did not turn to God for comfort. It just kinda crept up on me and I slowly and unknowingly accepted it. 

  

Meditation has been the most helpful tool for pretty much everything in my life. I’m less angry and anxious. I feel connected to the universe, whatever that means. I feel like I have purpose. I feel like I can handle whatever life throws at me. I don’t feel the need to self sabotage, self destruct. Bad days are just days. 

  
I don’t hate my anxiety and my fears or my chronic illnesses. They are as much a part of me as my better qualities. It’s all part of what makes me special. It gives me a unique perspective and purpose. This is my life now and I love my life. I haven’t just changed. I’ve evolved. 

Hormone Hell

Hormone Hell

This will probably be more of a rant than anything. I feel like I should also warn you that this post is full of more information than you wanted to know. Probably lost a few readers there but….

Ovarian Folicle
Ovarian Folicle
I am in so much pain. I feel like I’m the only one in my life that’s not used to all the pain and fatigue, the sleeplessness, night sweats, bad dreams. I just want to cry and cry but when I cry, other things hurt. I guess that’s just one of the benefits of an invisible illness.

My fiancé notices the cognitive issues like when I can’t navigate the grocery store or I can barely cook dinner because I can’t remember what to do next. Then, it’s burnt but he is sweet. At least I can be thankful for that.

I have not been in this much pain in quite a while. Since I found a good combination supplements and medications, the pain has been manageable, most days.  Now my hormones are screwing everything up, making everything worse. I’m lucky I’m not working but I’m still starting to get behind in my math class. If I am able to concentrate, its not long before my head starts to hurt. It has taken me all day to get this post put together. I shouldn’t even be working on this. Its a waste of time compared to studying but writing is so much more therapeutic. All I want to do is sleep and I can hardly keep up with the house work.

Studying has been a real challenge, lately.
Studying has been a real challenge, lately.
The month started off fantastically. I was ready to start losing the weight the birth control pills caused me to gain and I’d lost over 5 pounds the first week. I was eating healthy and exercising everyday despite the increase of headaches. I don’t know what kind of headaches they are but they don’t respond to any medication or treatments. Sleep is the only escape. I only started taking birth control to help regulate my hormones. I believe I have PCOS but I was just diagnosed with PMDD. It’s probably both. I have debilitating cramps every month that shut my world down. My cycles have not always been regular but they never cease to wreck my life for a week, when they do come. As if the dysmenorrhea wasn’t enough, I’m dealing with the embarrassing hirsutism too. I don’t understand why doctors insist on trying to treat these individual symptoms instead of doing more hormone testing and looking at the big picture.

I’ve finally got the fibromyalgia (somewhat) under control and I still can’t function half the time because my hormones are all screwed up. I bleed twice as long as I should and the imbalance is making my fibro flare half the month! My hips are on fire! My spine feels like it was ripped out and used to beat the dirt out of a thousand old rugs, then hastily glued back in. All I want to do is sleep. For the last week my daily routine only consists of doing the absolute minimum then crying myself back to sleep. Then I get up to make dinner.

Sleep is the only thing I have the energy for.
Sleep is the only thing I have the energy for.
My hormones are screwing with my IBS too. That’s not unusual but the shittier I feel, the less I care about what I eat so that just makes everything even worse.

See, I told you this wouldn’t be much more than a rant. It looks like it’s turning into a pretty long one too. Is is so much to want to be healthy? I just want to be healthy enough to function. I have things I’m trying to accomplish here. I need to finish school but I haven’t been able to study. My head has been bothering me a lot lately. I think that’s the birth control too. You’re not supposed to take them if you suffer from migraines. So, what am I supposed to do?

The pain is depressing. How can I dream of being a librarian if I struggle so much just to get through one semester of school? How can I ever get fit if I am too lethargic and sore to exercise? I don’t know how I will ever reach my goals with so many internal obstacles. I don’t have the energy to demand the doctors listen to me. My own body has already robbed me of my youth. Now its trying to smother my hopes and dreams too. I hate how negative I sound but that’s what the never-ending pain does. Its hard to stay faithful and push through. I am lucky to have such a good support system. My heart goes out to those that don’t. It is times like this, I am glad I am so stubborn. I will get through school even if I have to hire someone to read my text books to me. Having a clear plan and a goal in sight helps me stay focused even when my pain is high. Nothing good worth having ever came easy. That’s how the saying goes, right?

The Pills from Hell
The Pills from Hell
I’m not refilling the prescription again. It has been three months and they’re only making things worse. There’s got to be a better option. Anybody want to buy some ovaries? I’ll throw in my uterus for free! 😉 One treatment for PCOS (the doctors won’t admit I have it but they’re willing to treat me for it) is an IUD. This type of birth control is typically reserved for women with children but, I was told there are exceptions for women in my condition. Unfortunately, there are lots of dangerous side effects like ectopic pregnancy. I’m going to have to go back to the doctor. I need my yearly woman’s exam anyway. I hate those things. The doctor always looks at me funny when I tell her it’s painful. My cervix is high and back so they have to use the long skinny tool. They never listen and shove that short, fat thing up there with no success. Just pain. No one ever listens.

Are you ever ashamed or embarrassed about the actions or behavior you displayed when you were upset or in pain? I ate some lunch and took some meds so I am not in so much pain now. I am proof reading this post thinking, “Damn, girl! Chill out. You’re just PMSing right now but you’re gonna get this shit worked out too. You’ll live in a lighthouse one day with your wonderful husband, a myriad of rescued pets and you’ll be a librarian. You’ll get there.” Okay, thanks self. Everyone reading this thinks I’m insane now. 😉

Life with chronic illness is such a roller coaster and I feel like my hormones have thrown my coaster off the tracks!  If anyone out there is suffering from hormone issues, I’d love to hear your story. Thank you for letting me rant. I feel like such a drama queen. Stay sexy, Spoonies!

Spoonie Dating

Spoonie Dating

I know how scary it can be to put yourself out there but we can’t let our chronic illnesses, anxiety or whatever else keep us from living life to the absolute fullest. You deserve to have someone in your life that really cares for you and wants to see you happy.

I’ve been compiling a list of spoonie friendly dating sites and I’ve discovered a few friend making sites as well. I am lucky enough to have an amazing partner but I could always use more friends!

Spoonie Dating Tips-

Most of these will probably sound cliche but they’re important, none the less.

  • Let’s start with the biggest cliche and just get it out of the way. Be yourself. Yep, I said it. I know. I wanted to place emphasis here because sometimes, with chronic illness, we feel like we don’t even know ourselves. I know I’m not the same person I was before I was struck with all my lovely ailments. So, it’s important not to hide your disabilities and your anxieties. You are wonderful. If your date can’t handle it, you want to find out as soon as possible.
  • Get used to rejection. It’s nothing personal, really. Some people just aren’t willing to take the time to get to know you. They might just be looking for a booty call. If that’s all you’re looking for, great! But, if you want more, don’t settle for someone who isn’t willing to put in the quality time.
  • If they want to spend time with you, they’ll find a way! No matter how busy either of you are and despite any limitations, if you meet someone genuinely interested in you, they will do all they can to find a way to spend time with you.
  • You are worthy! Remember that and don’t settle for an abusive relationship just because you are lonely. There is someone out there waiting to treat you like the Queen (or King) you truly are.
  • Leave the past behind you. It’s hard, maybe impossible to build a healthy relationship if you are always carrying around old baggage or worrying that your new partner is going to cheat on you, leave you or tell you you’re not good enough. You are more than good enough. Never forget that. Dwelling on the past won’t help your future.
  • Relax. First date, blind date, reconnected on Facebook after 20 years, whatever, just RELAX. Have a good time. Don’t worry about getting asked on a second date or the goodnight kiss. Play your heart out at mini golf, cry during the movie. If your date sees you having a genuinely good time, they’ll relax too and everyone will have more fun even if you don’t connect on a romantic level.
  • Trust yourself. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t feel bad for canceling or going home early. You are not obligated to do anything. Who cares if you seem a little rude? You have to take care of yourself first.
  • Be honest. Be upfront about your condition and your illnesses. You don’t have to pull out your medical records or tell your whole life story on the first date but ensure you aren’t pushing your boundaries too far. If you need your cane, take it. You are still rocking that dress!
  • A relationship is not like a home improvement project. You have to accept the person for who they are and the way they are and they must show you the same respect. You can’t paint over their flaws and polish their rough edges. You must embrace them because that’s what makes them a unique individual. Too unique for you? Be courteous and let them go. There is someone more fitting for you out there.
  • Compromise. You may have to make compromises to make the relationship work but never compromise your values. Compromise on dinner not your stance on abortion or whatever.

I know you know all this but the dating world can be intimidating at first. It’s important to stay true to yourself if you want to find someone you can be truly happy with.

Spoonie Dating Sites-

  • Dating 4 Disabled “Dating For Disabled is an online dating service for people with disabilities. We are a community where disabled singles can find love & friendship. Dating4Disabled is the number one disabled dating site, and registration is one hundred percent free!”
  • Disabled PassionsA 100% FREE online dating & social networking community specifically for singles with a disability. Meeting new people can sometimes be more difficult when you are dealing with a disability. Whether you are interested in dating, making new friends, or more, Disabled Passions is here for you. Use the Disability Groups option to find others dealing with Arthritis, Cancer, Cerebral Palsy, Depression, Diabetes Type 1, Diabetes Type 2, Mobility Issues, Muscular Dystrophy, Spinal Cord Injury or any of a number of other issues. Sign up now to enjoy free chat, message boards and email.
  • Soulful Encounters “SoulfulEncounters.com works with various disabled people and organizations to connect those who are physically and medically disabled and provide support, friendship, and a love filled social networking community. This is your opportunity for a brighter and richer life. Join SoulfulEncounters.com now – it’s free.”
  • Christian Disabled Dating “Being Disabled Doesn’t Mean You Have to Give up on Love. Create Your FREE Profile Today and Start Meeting Other Disabled Christian Singles in Your Local Area.”
  • Disability Match “Find genuine fun and intimacy with disabled singles. Specialist created this site to help people like you meet single adult men and women who share your disability, condition or life challenge within a friendly vibrant disabled community.”
  • Disability Dating “Disabiltydating.com is a free disabled dating site aimed at playing disabled cupid to people with disabilities who are seeking fun, friendship, love, romance and dating online. We aim to enable love, dating, friendship and romance by matchmaking in a safe, fun, online dating environment.”
  • Meet Disabled Singles “We’ve quickly become the most popular matchmaking agency when it comes to helping handicapable people. Spend a couple of minutes and let us be your cupid that helps you find new friends, lasting love or possibly even marriage. We can’t guarantee that you’ll find your bride, but we can guarantee that you’ll have your chance to get in touch with people looking to improve their life by finding love. Our members are united and ready to show you that your love life doesn’t have to suffer because of your disability. Create your account today for free, build your profile and start chatting with other members instantly.”
  • No Longer Lonely “We are a welcoming community that understands the trials and pitfalls of managing a mental illness. Find friends or seek romantic relationships knowing that everyone on this site has some form of mental illness.”

Friend Making Sites-

  • Girlfriend Social “Girlfriend Social is website that connects women with new female friendships. This website is for Ladies only, who just like you, are looking to make platonic women friendships. Inside women can make new friends with fabulous ladies in a safe and friendly environment.”
  • Make Friends Online “Whether you’re looking for a free great online dating agency or a place to hang out and chat with a few friends, you’ll find everything you need at MakeFriendsOnline. Millions of people from around the world are looking to meet other singles on dating websites. It’s never been easier to meet other singles on your terms, when you want and with who you want. MakeFriendsOnline.com has over 1,5 mln register members and is one of the largest online dating sites.”
  • Not 4 Dating “Not4Dating.com is a totally new way to expand your social network. We’re here to help you meet platonic friends online and then connect in real life.”
  • Disabled United “A great way to interact with other like minded people, share your views, information, advice and interests.”

Put your-sexy-selves out there, Spoonies! Have fun and stay safe!

Happy Awareness Day

Happy Awareness Day

When I was first diagnosed, I was depressed, distraught and in excruciating pain. I had no idea what fibromyalgia was or how much it would change my life. 

I have always had a history of getting sick when I was depressed. I felt so useless at one time in my life, I completely stopped caring about myself and caring for myself. I ate poorly and infrequently. I was drinking a lot of alcohol. Too much. I knew it was too much. My immune system got so low, I got shingles. After trying to remain so numb for so long, I’d never felt such pain. I still have scars around my torso and it was just the beginning of people telling me “You’re too young for that!” Hearing that is like being stabbed in the heart. I know I’m too young to feel this way. That doesn’t change anything. 

The alcoholics in my life left me with a distorted view of what a functional human being should be. I won’t go into the details of my childhood or how I spiraled out of control or how I almost died. It’s all too much. Maybe, I’m just not ready. Maybe, I’ll write a book one day. Maybe, it’s not that important anymore. All I will say is that my childhood, my life, has been magical. Very much like a fairy tale with good and evil. I have always battled depression and social anxiety, like I was just born that way. 

I was actually really happy and healthy when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I was in the best shape of my life. I’d learned a lot about myself and found someone wonderful to share my life with. I was eating healthier and working out. I’d lost 80 pounds. Half of which I’m pretty sure I lost through lifestyle changes but the other 40 pounds should probably be attributed to intestinal issues. I was diagnosed with IBS but that doesn’t complete the puzzle. I am quite certain I also suffer from gastroparesis but without insurance, doctors don’t want to waste  time on me. I can’t afford all the tests and honestly, I should see a neurologist for all of this head pain I can’t control and worry about not being able to eat later. At least I’m skinny! 😉 I’ve never been able to say that before. I know being healthy is much more important and I’m going to try and address these issues as soon as possible. 

Anyway, I’d been in a couple car wrecks and injured my back working out. I just couldn’t get better. I spent months in bed before finally going to the doctor. So, came the fibromyalgia diagnosis and the long hard road to where I am at now. I’ve had to make a lot of changes in my life to cope with the fibromyalgia, the brain fog, the pain. I still can’t work full time but I am back in school, I do yoga, I write. The most important discovery that I have made is learning that I am an empath, a highly sensitive person. I feel the emotions of others. They manifest through me. I self medicated to escape these feelings. Now, I’ve learned to embrace them. I have a desire to understand them. It helps be connect with people better and help them. 

Fibromyalgia sucks. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but it’s helped me discover who I am, who I want to be. I am learning to embrace who I am instead of running from myself. 

I am the face of fibromyalgia! 

Stay sexy spoonies! 

Google said the image is from this board on Pinterest. 

Encouraging Thunder

Encouraging Thunder

I was recently nominated for the Encouraging Thunder blogging award for my honesty. I started this blog to raise awareness and help women like me feel sexy. Having a chronic illness can darken your outlook if you’re not careful. I started this blog to combat that, to bring people together and create a community of strong women.

It’s been almost a year since I started this blog and I believe I have done that and more. This blog has evolved into more than I could have hoped for. I am grateful for the support I’ve received, friends I’ve made and all that I’ve learned. I’ve tried to facilitate understanding and educate the loved ones of those with chronic illness but when life gets in the way and I don’t have the spoons to research comfy lingerie or organic sex toys, my followers (you guys!) provided endless support and encouragement. For that, I am incredibly grateful.

All I can do now, is continue to bring you quality information and hope that this blog is as uplifting to you as it has been for me.

I would like to thank meANXIETYme for the nomination and thank everyone who reads, shares and comments on my posts. I greatly appreciate all your support. I was hesitant to start this blog because I am not a sexologist, therapist or expert of any kind. I wasn’t sure if I would have the spoons to keep up or if anyone would care about what I had to say. I’ve cried through writing many of the update posts and at first, the vulnerability sent my anxiety through the roof but now, I see how understanding and supportive people can be. Do I dare say that this blog has actually restored my faith in humanity? It certainly has shown me how kind the world can be. So, I graciously accept this nomination. Here is a little more info about this particular award.

Encouraging Thunder is originated from one of nature’s true powers, a crack of thunder from the sky. From the ancient Greek God myth, the most powerful god Zeus uses thunder to banish his enemy. Encouraging Thunder is a symbol that only god can judge us…
Thunder creates a powerful addition to the blog as an awesome blog award. Raymond, encouraginglife.co founder, was bestowed upon a thunder medallion by the great nature so he can create a powerful spell Encouraging Thunder to grant powerful protection to other bloggers. It’s a special spell that only bloggers who has true purpose in their life can master it.

http://encouraginglife.co/about/encouraging-life-blog-awards/

Award Rules

What you can do with Encouraging Thunder award?

  • Post it on your blog
  • Grant other bloggers with the award

What you can’t do with Encouraging Thunder award?

  • Abuse or misuse the logo
  • Claim that it’s your own handmade logo

What you should do after receiving Encouraging Thunder award:

  • Enjoy the award
  • At least gives thanks via comments and likes and or mentioning the blog who give the award.
  • Mention your purpose in blogging

This award does not require a certain number of nominations but there are a couple of bloggers that I feel really deserve it.

Nominations

Well, turns out there are more than a couple…. I just enjoy these blogs so much and after reading about this award, I feel like they really do deserve it, for their honesty, courage and generosity. And talent! Can’t forget that! 😉

Gentle Kindness

FibroFeels

Chaos, Cats and Chronic Pain

Tristyn’s Health Blog

aBodyofHope

Anna Bayes

Hubert’s Best

Thank you! Happy blogging! Stay sexy Spoonies!


$122.95/ Month to Maintain

$122.95/ Month to Maintain

It’s been a difficult year. I can’t believe it’s already a third of the way over. Seems like life gets exponentially more difficult and more expensive as time passes. I guess I was supposed to become exponentially more awesome and successful to compensate. Whoops! 

I’ve been having a really difficult time lately with my hormones. This battle is really kicking my ass. The side effects from the other medication were becoming too severe so my doctor took me off of those and put me on birth control. It’s finally the end of the first month and my body has been having trouble adjusting. I’m now starting my second period for the month. So exhausting! My night sweats and migraines have been worse. I’m incredibly emotional and I’ve gained five pounds. 

  

It’s not like I haven’t been trying but I still feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water. I’m behind in my classes due to the increase in the severity and frequency of my migraines. I’ve even started foam rolling my neck. It provides quite a bit of relief but it’s not enough to allow me to study as much as I need to. I don’t even have time to write. I’m only posting now because it’s so therapeutic. 

I finally added the cost of my supplements and meds to my monthly budget. I’ve been neglecting adding it all up because I didn’t want to know how much I was spending. I feel guilty about it even though I know I shouldn’t. I am spending $122.95 a month to function with fibromyalgia. I treat my cluster headaches and fibromyalgia naturally. I’m on prescriptions to help manage my IBS, migraines and allergies. I forgot to factor in the cost of my nasal spray but I buy it in bulk because I can get it so much cheaper. Also, I either forget to use it or can’t because I’m too stuffed up so what I have will probably last a while. 

  
I decided to finally budget that in because the household has already gone through some changes with the addition of the dog but there is likely to be some other major changes. School will be out soon and I will lose that portion of my income and without a car, it’s becoming increasingly more difficult to make the twice a week journey to my nanny gig. 

I love those babies and their family so much. The thought of not being with them breaks my heart. They are getting older now and probably won’t need me much longer. They’ll be going to school full time before I know it and that’s what makes this decision so difficult. I’m going to be forced to take some time off until I can get a vehicle. 

My fiancé is considering taking a job that he doesn’t want, for me. I would have the ability to take some time off work and catch up on my schooling. We could save up for a car and I could go back to work. We would be able to buy a house sooner. We could finally enjoy the water instead of always feeling like we are drowning. 

I’ve never felt like that before, like I wasn’t drowning. But, I’ve managed to be content with life for the most part. I’m wondering if these changes will really make us any happier. People always want more. When I have my house and I’ve finished my degree will I be happy or will I want more? I am already exhausted. For me, success will be maintainable contentment. I was going to add “and nominal pain levels” to that but I feel like that is probably asking way too much. 😉 

What do you do when you feel like your drowning? How do you prioritize and make decisions? 

Stay sexy Spoonies! 

Oh, Hello

Oh, Hello

Since going back to school, I’ve pretty much had a constant migraine. A tension headache at the least. 

It’s like I have no down time now. I feel like I should be studying every extra minute I have. 

I’ve managed fine up to this point. I have already finished my first term, months early. Now, the class I’m in requires a lot of reading. I read my textbook online because it’s free. Having an actual book would be easier on my eyes but it’s also expensive. I’ve changed the settings on my laptop so that it’s easier in my eyes. I take frequent breaks and stretch but my study time always seems to get cut short because I keep getting these excrutiating headaches. 

I’ve had stress headaches all my life. They were really bad in high school but I thought I finally had them under control. Apparently, not. 

I am going to try to limp along until summer. I won’t be working as much. I am hoping that will ease these headaches a bit. Otherwise, I’m going to have to choose between work and school and I really don’t want to drop out of another Bachelor’s program. Especially, since I’m actually excited about this one. I really want to be a teacher. I had dreams of becoming a librarian but that’s even more schooling! I’m feeling kinda hopeless and discouraged. 

I’ve been planning on posting about spoonie dating sites and dating with chronic illness but I can barely stand to look at any screens. I would like to get that post out soon so I’m going to make that a goal for the weekend. 

So check back soon for some chronic illness dating tips and stay sexy spoonies!

The Wrong Genes for Jeans

The Wrong Genes for Jeans

I just wanted to get an update out there so, here it is. I just took some meds and while they may not do much for the pain, hopefully they’ll make me care about it a little less. 

I’ve been seeing all the hard work I did in Febuary start to pay off but March has been a stressful month too. School, work and family issues have left me low on spoons and today, I’ve caused myself quite a bit of pain. Seems it’s been a difficult month for many. I can’t help but think, things wouldn’t seem so dreary of the sun would shine. Spring Break is starting and it feels absolutely nothing like Spring. At least, not the like the humid, hot, Texas Spring that I am used to. I enjoy the muggy, sticky weather. It’s like being wrapped in a blanket and I could use some swaddling. 😉

Today, I attempted to wear jeans instead of jeggings or pajama jeans. I miss wearing actual pants. I feel frumpy in jeggings but it’s better than the intense burning in my hips, thighs and waist line, that I am experiencing now. I ran out of work appropriate attire and since jeans are permitable on Fridays, I put on my softest pair. I have not been able to wear jeans due to fibromyalgia related allydonia. Usually, I can’t put jeans on without immediate, intense pain. This morning, they seemed bearable. They’re a little big so I thought that would work in my favor but pulling them up constantly only seemed to irritate my skin more more. It feels like chemical burns, like I left the Nair on my legs for far too long.

So, now I am sitting here in my pajama pants. Spring Break is this week and I’m glad I’ll get to run around in my joggers. The dog doesn’t understand why he can’t sit in my lap. My skin hasn’t felt this sensitive since I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia but at least I got to look cute for a few hours.

I don’t typically post photos of my face on this blog but, I figure, if you’ve read this far, you deserve to see me! 😉

I am not sure I’ll ever put on another pair of jeans but I would like to. Would wearing shape wear or tights under the clothing make it less painful? I love wearing dresses but what do you pull out of your woredrobe when you want to dress casual and look presentable? And what if you just don’t have the spoons to shave your legs?