Liebster Award

Liebster Award

The Modern Girl’s Guide to Being Sick has nominated me for the Liebster award! I feel so very honored. For some reason, every like, share and encouraging comment on my blog always catches me by surprise. I am glad people seem to be enjoying it. I started this blog to help fellow spoonies feel sexy and enjoy life. I’ve tried to do that with posts like this one and that one but this blog has really evolved into something more personal than that. The WordPress community has shown me support and and offered reassurance that could only come from another spoonie. I am grateful to have started this blog. I just wanted to write more. It is so therapeutic. The WordPress world has not only opened my eyes, its given me a home. Thank you!

Official Rules

If you have been nominated for The Liebster Award AND YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT, write a blog post about the Liebster award in which you:

1. Thank the person that nominated you, and post a link to their blog on your blog.

2. Display the award on your blog.

3. Answer the eleven questions about yourself  provided to you by the person who nominated you.

4. Provide eleven random facts about yourself.

5. Nominate five to eleven blogs that you feel deserve the award, who have a less than 200 followers.

6. Create a new list of questions for the bloggers to answer.

7. List these rules in your post.

8. Inform the bloggers that you nominated that they have been nominated for the Liebster award and provide a link for them to your post.

I was asked:

1. Why did you start blogging?

I just love to write. The fibro fog can make it difficult to find the right words though.

2. What are you most proud of?

I am proud of myself for always getting back up. No matter what life has thrown at me, I’ve managed to make it work and maintain a decent attitude (most of the time). There are times when my anxiety gets the best of me but I’d say I am coping well. 😉

3. What’s your favourite animal?

I have always favored animals over people. You could tell me my best friend was going to be a python, dog or whale and I would be quite content. I don’t like most bugs. Especially, the flying ones! Spiders are pretty neat creatures, though.

4. What’s your favourite book?

Oh how I love books! Go Ask Alice, House of Leaves, The Princess Bride, On a Pale Horse, The Strange Manuscript Found in a Copper Cylinder, The Highly Sensitive Empath, Atheist Yoga, I Was Kidnapped by Lesbian Pirates From Outer Space, Stop Your Bitching Naturally…… There are more! But that’s all i can think of right now.

5. What three things could you not live without?

Chocolate, internet, tea (not counting all the un-fun things I need like oxygen and medicine and stupid money).

6. What food do you dislike the most?

I do not like the sauce on most frozen pizza and that sucks because I love pizza and convenience.

7. What was the first record/cd you bought?

I believe it was a best of album by The Eagles. I was heavily influenced by my mother. Still like The Eagles though.

8. What is your favourite time of the year and why?

I love summer! I like it hot! Cold weather hurts my bones and makes me sad. I want to bask in the sun like a lizard all day, everyday.

9. If you could go back to anytime in history which time period would you choose?

Well, I think it would be neat to visit different time periods and see the dinosaurs or see Stonehenge be built. Imagine witnessing the Eiffel Tower or Statue of Liberty being built. There are lots of times I’d like to visit but I wouldn’t want to stay because people didn’t like that long and it was dangerous. I don’t think I’d do very well without central heat. I think I would fit in well in the 1920s because I love old gangster movies. I could have made a good mafia wife. The 1950s probably would have been alright too. I like the cars and the fashion from the 50s. 

10. What is your favourite film genre?

When I was younger, I loved watching scary movies. I still do but the new ones just can’t compete with the classics. So, I’d say I love comedy. What spoonie couldn’t use a laugh? I love every Will Ferrel movie that I have ever seen! He cracks me up, so comedy must be my favorite!

11. What do you consider to be the greatest beauty product of all time?

Red lipstick. It is all you really need.

I have answered my eleven questions so, here are eleven random facts about me:

1.) I have terrible allergies.

2.) I don’t watch TMZ.

3.) I only drink non-GMO beer.

4.) I have too many stuffed animals in my house for a person my age with no children.

5.) Without Siri, I couldn’t remember a thing!

6.) My lips are always chapped.

7.) I love the smell of old books.

8.) I have large feet.

9.) I like it when it rains as long as I don’t have to go outside.

10.) I love British television.

11.) I’m incredibly awkward.

Now that I have done the facts,  it is my understanding that I must nominate eleven blogs with under 200 followers. So, my nominations are:

MSy Though of the Day

OzzyPlayaGirl

Adventures in Existence

Kira Kira the Spoonie

InflamedintheMembranes

The Sovereign Patient

Health and Fitness by Aimee

The Pretty Little Sparrow

My Battle with Fibromyalgia

Healing on a Budget

Life As Is

I truly enjoy every one of these blogs. It was harder than I though to just pick eleven. I was surprised that many of these blogs don’t already have over 200 followers. They are helpful and inspiring but most of all, they let you know that you aren’t alone. Most, if not all are also spoonies. When I was nominated for this award, I wasn’t really sure what it was. When I searched it, I learned it has German origins. The word “liebster” has several meanings and the rules may vary. The official rules can also be found here.

I almost forgot! Now, I am supposed to come up with my own set of questions for my nominees! Well, okay then. Here is goes:

1.) Do you have any pets?

2.) How many siblings do you have?

3.) What’s your favorite scary movie?

4.) Favorite book?

5.) If you could retire now, money is no object, where would you go?

6.) What is the first thing you would do if you won the lottery?

7.) What is the most daring thing you have ever done?

8.) When was the last time you stayed up all night?

9.) Did you ever skip school? Get caught?

10.) What inspired you to start your blog?

11.) How many posts have you written?

Okay, let me check the rules one more time. I don’t want to forget anything.

Okay, looks like that’s it.

Happy blogging!

This Rose Might Fade But It’ll Never Wither

This Rose Might Fade But It’ll Never Wither

My first tattoo turns ten this year. It is faded, surrounded by scars and stretch marks. My body has been through a lot since I was branded with this rose. This rose has weathered a marriage, heartbreak, divorce and more heartbreak, graduation, disappointment, car wrecks, chronic illness, new beginnings and a whole lot more. I’m not the person I thought I’d be and I’m not where I’d hoped to be in life but, who really is? Life happens. You get carried away. You drift away from your goals and the life you think you want. Before you know it, you are somewhere you never thought you’d be. Sometimes it’s scary. Sometimes it’s exciting. Sometimes it’s both. I know I wouldn’t trade my life or my rose for anything.
Ten years ago, my parents and fiancĂ©, now ex-husband, escorted me to the tattoo parlor. I’d always wanted a tattoo. I remembered going with my mother to the tattoo shop when I was a kid. I was with her when she got her rose and now she was with me while I got mine. Odd for some families but my parents have always been really cool. They’re laid back, open and understanding. I’ve always been spoiled too. I honestly don’t recall them ever telling me no but I wasn’t a demanding or unreasonable child. I am a bit of a brat though and I have them to thank for that.
I was still in high school when I got the tattoo. It was just after my birthday so it was a bit chilly outside. I wore tight jeans instead of something practical like sweat pants. In those days, I wouldn’t be caught dead without makeup and I was always in jeans. The parlor was packed. Lots of the teenagers I went to school with liked to hang out up there after school. I brought the picture that I wanted to use and before I knew it, the artist had made a template and I was unzipping my pants. I sat in the chair and leaned back. I felt like everyone was watching and they were. Cleaning the area and getting the placement just right took longer than the actual tattoo. They gave me some soap and ointment. Then, sixty bucks later, I was out the door. Pants still unzipped and now stuffed with paper towels. I was surprised to be such a mess after such a tiny tattoo. After that, we were off to dinner. I remember being so excited about what life would bring! I had no idea so much could happen in ten years!
Since my mother has a similar tattoo in the same location and it was her first tattoo too, I wanted to know what her life was like when she got the tattoo and how she felt about it when she first started noticing it fade.

IMG_3489
This is a recent photo of her tattoo. This rose is about thirty years old. Both of our roses are near the inside of our left hip bones.

So this is exactly how our conversation went:
Me: I know you aren’t feeling well so no rush but I wanted to ask you about your rose tattoo. I’m writing about mine because it turns ten this year. So, I wanted you to tell me about what was going in on your life when you got yours.
Mom: Hi baby, I got mine in the late 80’s before you were born. I was working at Slick Willie’s. That’s where I met your dad. I think the color is ok. It faded some. The problem with mine is my belly covers it up! Haha! 😉
Me: I thought I was there when you got it. Who did we go to the tattoo shop with when I was little then? Cousin Lisa?
Mom: No that was another parlor. We went over there with Lisa. I got mine by Granny’s house.

I wasn’t with her when she got her tattoo. Apparently, we were with my cousin and it probably wasn’t her first tattoo. I was pretty young so I don’t remember much about it. Still, I’ll never forget walking through the beads and seeing all the artwork on the wall. I was mesmerized by all the tigers, butterflies and calligraphy.
Most things lose their magic as you grow older. Most people would probably agree but my mother has never stopped and I think that’s what’s helped me continue to appreciate all the wonder in the world. My rose and I have been through a lot but we will never wither!

I Met Someone

I Met Someone

There is so much going on in my head right now, it’s a challenge trying to keep it all straight. Classes starting next month brings me one step closer to Washington. I’ve been scared to death over the thought of moving several states away. I’ve never lived anywhere but Texas. I’ve hardly ventured out at all, certainly not on my own. Every place I’ve ever been to still touches Texas. My fiancĂ© is the one that wants to move so I still won’t be doing it alone but I would be without my family.
Several years ago, I considered moving to another city in Texas. Texas is so big though so I would have been hours from my family. When my sister found out, she got so upset and begged me to stay. My parents reacted the same way when I wanted to go to Stephen F. Austin University. Again, all this was still in Texas and these people were acting like I was moving to Antartica. So, I know they won’t react well when we decide to make the move to Washington. Luckily, I don’t think they read my blog. Is it just me, or are they being selfish? I am already suffering enough anxiety about the situation. Knowing they are going to have adverse reactions only makes it worse. So they’ll miss me. I’ll miss them too but is that really a good enough reason to smother my dreams? My mother’s health issues have made me realize that my parents are getting older and unhealthier. But does that mean I should postpone my plans?
I am a wreck thinking about it but I still want to go! I’ve heard such wonderful things about Washington. I’ve known some really neat people from up there and I feel like my fiancĂ© and I would fit in really well there and love it. I find myself daydreaming about living in an oceanfront condo. No mosquitoes, just the brisk salty air blowing in my hair! Honestly, I’ve never been so terrified of something I wanted so much.
Okay, I know this is going to sound insane, especially since I’m not a believer in the Devine or anything else really. But, I feel like the universe has sent me someone to calm all my fears. I met her substituting and she is absolutely wonderful. We have so much in common and hit it off right from the moment we met. Then, I discovered she is going to WGU and loves it. Just meeting someone that goes to the same online college where I’m about to start classes has already put my mind at ease. This is the best part though, she is from Washington! We already have a date to discuss what it’s really like up there. The series of events that have taken place in the last couple of days, really since my last post, have put my mind at ease and made me feel like I’m making the right decisions. Everything is falling into place so I must be doing something right, right?
This blog isn’t supposed to be so personal but I’ve had a lot weighing on my mind lately. I’ve chosen another very personal picture for my featured image this week. This is my Granny standing on the beach. This woman has always given me strength but I wish she was still here because I could really use some of her guidance as well.

Be confident, be sexy!

Still Alive

Still Alive

Well, I was concerned about “doing it all” and obviously I’m not. I got a new phone and was not able to log in to WordPress from the new phone or I would have posted something sooner. I still have plenty of drafts that need polishing and posting but I have not had the time, energy or desire. My stress levels have been through the roof all year! I know that sounds dramatic. After all, it is only January but it feels like it’s been an eternity of cold, wet days. I have to force myself to be productive but I can’t make myself be creative. That usually comes during late nights or carefree afternoons. And there haven’t been many of those. Stress kills everything.
School still hasn’t started. The longer it takes my paperwork to trickle in, the longer it’s going to take for me to become a teacher, a profession I am still not sure I can handle. The kids in the district hat I sub for now think they’re ghetto and have no respect for authority or a desire to learn. I still don’t have a car because saving money is no fun and when I feel good, I want to get out and do something. I suffer through work to get what I need and then I reward myself because working five days a week is an accomplishment for me. So, there’s no money for a car.
There is a plus side however, I saw a new doctor and he ordered x-rays because he is concerned that my vertebrae may be fusing together and he put me on a more rigorous exercise plan. That’s not the good news though, don’t worry. The good news is that I am back to planking everyday and doing yoga. I already feel stronger! I’ve also been meditating daily and despite all the stress, I know it’s helping. I am a calmer person overall and I have not completely lost my temper yet this year! Much of that is probably because I am not driving but I’ll take what I can get.
I am anxious to find out what’s wrong with my spine. Up until this point I’ve been treating it like it was arthritis because that’s what my D.O. said it was but I don’t feel like I’ve been coping very well. I feel like my spine is stabbing me in the brain. I hope things settle down soon and I can finally get some answers. This winter has been harder on me, physically and emotionally, than I could have possibly anticipated.
I’ve been avoiding a few issues in my life that I just don’t want to acknowledge. My mother has a mass in her abdomen near her intestines and it has recently doubled in size. She has been sick and having insurance issues. I really can’t even think about losing the very most important woman in my life. I still need her. I know I’m almost 30 but there are some days that I don’t think I could make it through without her. My featured image is of her and I, one Easter. I was about four.
I thought I was ready to discuss the other issue but I’m already crying now and I’m just not ready to accept it because it has the potential to change my life greatly. If you made it this far into the post, I just want to say thank you for sticking with me. I am sorry this blog hasn’t been exactly what I promised.

Love life, be sexy!